(2) A life ending

I’m thinking about calling her. After all we have been together for a while. Years. Instead I waste a few hours in the couch. Just lying around thinking nothing and watching TV. A movie about pirates and sea robbers is on. I don’t know what the difference between them two are. But I know it is a difference. Pirates are pirates and sea robbers are sea robbers. One pirate is really scary. A one eyed, dirty and merciless crook. It is written in his forehead that he is not the caring kind. Just now he is especially ruthless. A kid is force upon the board. I don’t know if there are any sharks in the water. It usually is in these kinds of stories. The one eyed pirate has all his friends with him. They all laugh and taunt. And are all unclean. I look after a parrot. No one can be seen. Maybe it’s asleep.

Back to the kid and the board. His chance of survival is non-existent. With tears in his throat he looks down on the water and then up on pirate crowd. I don’t se any sharks, but it’s still scary for him. Poor bastard. He wishes that he was home with his mommy. In his mind he makes recollections of his mommies home baked cookies with milk. And about meadows, green and mile long meadows. It’s not visualized in the movie, but you can se that’s precisely what he thinks.

But then he wakes up into the harsh reality. Far far away from milk, cookies and mommies. Pale and terrified he is forced further out on the board. It would be a difficult situation for anyone. At times like these life is never easy. The kid has no choice, and he jumps. Now his life passes in revue. He knows his time has come.

A life ending.
The last chapter is written.

You can hear the sound of a human life form hitting the water. There are only minutes left of his life. He’s got my fully support. At this time he is no longer visible. Thats that. The pirates become silent and look at each other a few times before they return to other piratey businesses. I don’t know what that is, because I turn off the TV.

What a repulsive movie. Quite the opposite to cosy, no niceness at all. Yet somehow I can identify with the kid on the board. I like to think that he makes it. That he knows how to swim and finds his way to a paradise island, builds a nice shed and discovers the love of his life. And maybe starts an ant farm.

I try to see that scenario. But no, I can’t. All I can se is black.

(1) Without a girlfriend

My girlfriend, partner, and maybe future wife have left me. She took all lamp shades with her. I don’t know why.

It’s possible that we have broken up. But then again, I don’t know. The situation is new to me, so I don’t know what to believe or think. Not even what to feel. I don’t have a manual for the feelings I’m now having. I am new in that neighbourhood. I am new everywhere. And all I can know for certain is that she’s not here. I’m here, but she’s somewhere else.

I can’t eliminate that she’s out shopping for food, because the larder is almost empty. Although it hasn’t taken 2 days before. Besides she doesn’t answer her cell phone. Then of course we have the lamp shade thing.

It could be that she is in a very dark place.

It’s very dark in the winters. Maybe it's winter were she is.